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Joke of the Day

"Some people go to church on Sunday mornings. I just grabbed snacks and crawled back in bed to watch porn and read tweets."

"One time I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist.... Unfortunately, I couldn't find any openings....."

"How bad is it to poop your pants? It Depends"

"Why did the couch give the table a dollar? Because it was for chair-ity"

"""Have a nice day at the plant!"" -wife caterpillar to husband caterpillar in the morning"

"Where do cats go when they die? Purrgutory."

"What's brown and rhymes with Snoop Dr. Dre"

"What's Iron Man's favorite carnival ride? The ferrous wheel."

"Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that ""Caitlyn Jenner"" was not a valid answer."

"My cousin told me his gun club didn't cost any money. I asked him if it was run by wild chickens. He said, ""No, why?"" And I said, ""Because that would explain why it's a free range."""