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Joke of the Day

"My cousin told me his gun club didn't cost any money. I asked him if it was run by wild chickens. He said, ""No, why?"" And I said, ""Because that would explain why it's a free range."""

"[pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I'm missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*"

"I routinely take 8 flights of stairs for no other reason than to avoid idle chit chat in the elevator. See, hating people can be healthy!"

"What's big, green and can kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table"

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *thwack* fuck... A skydiver goes FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *THWACK*"

"What's the diffrence between a Chickpea and a Gorbanzo bean? I woun't pay a 100 bucks for a Gorbanzo bean on my face."

"Ban land mines now! It's time to put our foot down."

"How do you stop an F4 tornado from destroying a town? A roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris! However, this method will cause more destruction than the tornado."

"[after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn] ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this"

"How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ? Take them out their wheelchair."