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Joke of the Day
"Do you know how to make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it"
Next Joke
"Her: how are you Me: good Her: you sure? Me: yup Her: you're alright? Me: yes.. Her: really? Me: Her: are y-- Me: people like you go missing"
"[dating game] GIRL: contestant #1 tell me how u would woo me ME: woo like in duck tales woo woo or a different type of woo? G: contestant #2"
"Love is that feeling you get when you meet that special someone who hates all of your friends."
"Ye olde insult battle Insult the person above you in ye olde english. Try to quote shakespeare if you have any quotes in your head. I'll start. Thou dissembler, thou! I fear thee not."
"Energizer Bunny made a mess.... I put the batteries in backwards and it just kept cumming and cumming"
"I'd like to have a child one day. Two days, tops."
"Just got off the phone with my mom. She had a nice talk."
"My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work."
"I like my coffee how I like my tea Like my coffee"