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Joke of the Day

"My mom wanted to send me to a program last summer for people with ADHD... It was called a Concentration Camp."

"Look UPS guy, you can't just show up at someone's house unannounced and expect them to have pants on."

"What kind of insect gets triggered on tumblr? A butthurtfly"

"Q: What are the three types of men? A: The handsome the caring and the majority."

"What does a terrorist in Antarctica say? Allahu Akburrrrrr"

"""Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone"" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake."

"My dream car is just Shaq dressed like a fireman carrying me everywhere like he just rescued me from a burning building"

"Just re-watched the lesbian scene in Black Swan. For the articles."

"A man was masturbating in an airplane He was arrested for highjacking"

"When the zombie apocalypse comes, we'll be the last to go because we never leave our houses."