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Joke of the Day
"Son, if you masturbate too much you'll go blind! Ahh, I'm over here Dad."
Next Joke
"Which dance will a chicken not do ? The foxtrot !"
"*Ok, don't let them know you're a dog* Him: The job is yours. Here's the keys to your new office. [tosses keys] *catches keys in my mouth*"
"How many potato's does it take to kill an Irishman? None."
"If your rape whistle doesn't work you're fucked."
"To a lot of Americans these days, Donald Trump is just starting to sound like a lot of white noise."
"Life tip - buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it's a gift. You are welcome."
"Me: The salad with chicken, cheese and can you put it between slices of bread? Waiter: So a sandwich? Me: I'd prefer if we called it a salad"
"Anyone else like the holidays of other cultures? Like, I love the one where you take a bunch of presents and hide them in the attic. Or as you may know it, Anne Frank's birthday."
"What do a washing machine and a one night stand have in common? a washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you put a load in it.."