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Joke of the Day

"Two antennas met on a roof . . . Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married, the ceremony was awful but the reception was brilliant."

"Not sure if the bulb for my check engine light finally burned itself out or if my car magically fixed itself, but I'm going with the latter"

"I'm bad at sewing Shit, wrong thread."

"My Fitbit was delivered today. It's still sitting in the mailbox because I don't want to walk all the way out there."

"What do you get if you put morphine on your toast? Crumfortably Numb!"

"Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'"

"Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job."

"What would Inception: The Porno be called? Contraception."

"I just got a new hearse Everyone is dying to take a ride in it"

"My favorite game with the kids is one where I play dead until they go around to their dad's side of the bed and wake him up."