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Joke of the Day

"Me at age 5 ""I wish I had a $1"" Me at age 10 ""I wish I had $100"" Me at age 17 ""I wish I had $1,000,000"" Me at age 26 ""I wish I had $1"""

"Virginia wolf More like Virginia woof"

"Wife: every time we argue, you think you're right. Me: yes, because if I thought you were right, I wouldn't be arguing..."

"I don't think peeing on a goose is the right answer.. But on the other hand.. I'm not sure it's the WRONG answer. -Drunk me at a zoo"

"I haven't got the nut ratios just right yet, so it's more of a trial mix."

"I have AIDS and Alzheimer's Thank goodness I don't have AIDS"

"I found a ghost passed out on my stairs last night. He must have been really into the boos! Happy October!"

"Man, I'd give my first born to be able to have a kid someday"

"Chinese girl for her number I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."

"I like my women how I like my government: open and unprotected."