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Joke of the Day

"If my son's science project is to see how annoying he can be before I kill him then he's almost done."

"Idk guys, life has never thrown me lemons. Social anxiety, insomnia, mental breakdowns, drugs and eating disorders.. But never lemons."

"I got a joke... your life"

"Garbage day. When you find out which neighbors are drunks by how many bottles they throw out holy shit this one still has something in it."

"I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions."

"What is the difference between Chelsea and Leo di caprio? Chelsea got Oscar. huehuehuehue."

"What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos? A messycan"

"What's the best part about showering with a 5 year-old? The water washes away her tears"

"Abra abracadabra. I wanna reach out and stab ya."

"Did you know there's actually 4 scientific bonds? * Ionic Bond * Metallic Bond * Covalent Bond * James Bond"