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Joke of the Day

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents. #Christmas"

"The morning after a long night of drinking, I went to buy a flower arrangement. The guy at the counter asked me if I had been drinking. I said, ""No. I woke up like this. Florist."""

".@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven."

"A sadist met a masochist... and said ""hurt me"" ""No"" said the sadist."

"Being a courteous dinner guest, I always offer to do the dishes. I'm not the one who's going to eat off them next. Quick rinse works for me."

"If your name is spelled Duhniayle, don't hate me when I mispronounce it. Hate your parents & their ridiculous spelling decisions."

"Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that."

"Too many people are obsessing over Frozen. They need to let it go"

"My Doctor Wrote Me a Prescription... My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia."

"A bogey man who's a pretty good guy is... Snot Bad."