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Joke of the Day

"Told my black co-worker that I'm avoiding Africans at the airport this weekend. His response: ""I'm avoiding them everywhere!"""

"I couldn't get an erection while having sex with my wife... So I took her to a nice dinner. There was no hard-feelings."

"Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said ""Oh look, 12 new followers!"""

"What is a hemophiliac's least favorite song? Don't stop ble-eding (The pause is necessary)"

"It's called a ""remote"" because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel."

"I hate having to walk behind a car... It's exhausting."

"What do you do at a festival when the bass is too much? Drop some acid, it'll neutralize the effect"

"My girlfriend told me she was retaining water and gaining weight... I told her not to sweat it."

"There's nothing like being 4 or 5 deers beep."

"My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell"