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Joke of the Day

"How many Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fuck it, we'll drink in the dark. (Happy birthday Devildogs)"

"%3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the face."

"I went to my 35th high school reunion and realized that ""the one that got away"" turned into a ""dodged a bullet."""

"Don't worry, Pope Benedict XVI, I get it. Mondays make me want to quit my job too."

"""Dad, I cant sleep."" Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. ""Dad Im seven-"" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS."

"Conversation that just happened between a friend (lawyer) and I (Architect). Friend: Everybody hates lawyers, until they need one. Me: Everybody loves architects, until they need one."

"Snowmen don't 69, they 88."

"Me: Let's go to Chipotle Justin: Hold on. My leg is asleep Me: *whispering* Oh, sorry. Let's go to Chipotle"

"So I found a Chinese pet carer... He said he would wok my dog for me"

"People question the Christmas present I got for my mother They say a fridge is a terrible gift when she already has one. But when I saw here face light up upon opening it, all doubts where gone."