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Joke of the Day

"I have a serious salad problem... ...it needs a dressing."

"I read somewhere that only 2/11 jokes are funny. Well, what I read was that 9/11 jokes are never funny, but I like to be positive."

"David Cameron joke! They say David Cameron is a one term Prime Minister. That term is of course 'cunt'."

"""What are you doing tonight?"" Gonna smoke some Herb. ""Nice."" -guys who work in a crematorium"

"How much sex does a sister of the church get? Nun"

"I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine: My phone. On my dresser. Across the room."

"If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop ""Reese's Feces"" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome."

"I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids... ...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was cock-eyed."

"If I was a president, I would make bigger schools So that we can have a higher education"

"Martin Shkreli."