4580

Joke of the Day

"I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids... ...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was cock-eyed."

"Why aren't there very many jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones? The punchline is too long."

"My biological clock is wheezing."

"I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's gravy recipe was very specific."

"My wife cheated on me after I told her about my watchmaker buddy... I guess I should get a big clock, too."

"How do you spot a sumo at a feminist rally? Look for the one with shaved legs...."

"Did you hear about the commemorative gun they're making in honor of the democrat party and president Obama? It's called the union worker You'll over pay It never works And you can't fire it"

"Ideas are like kids Don't have them"

"You've got a face even an Instagram filter couldn't fix."

"Why is helen keller a bad driver? Because she's dead"