139918

Joke of the Day

"When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python. NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

"Why You Should Never Be Late for a Speaking Engagement An important public speaking lesson wrapped up in a good, clean joke."

"""You made your bed now lay in it"" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed. And other 5am thoughts"

"Girlfriends are like grenades. If you put a ring on them they won't blow."

"Not all of the weird sexual stuff you hear about is as good as it's cracked up to be... I mean you can tell me how great autoerotic asphyxiation is till you're blue in the face."

"Started with the tips of my fingers.. We got more into it, my fingers got deeper. She says ""babe take off your ring its hurting me"", I respond ""you mean my watch?"""

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, ""First offender?"" The woman replies, ""No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."""

"Michael Jackson had alot of good songs... But his best ones were when he was in A Minor"

"A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves ... Key and Peele."

"Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route."