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Joke of the Day

"I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine: My phone. On my dresser. Across the room."

"Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don't fall out of a helicopter"

"What's the difference between jews and girl scouts? The girl scouts come back from the camp."

"Hmmm,,,, Tell me more about this ""victim"" role you play due to the circumstances that you've created for yourself."

"When i'm hungry I eat food."

"I hate it when I remove myself from around people to fart in peace and they follow me right after I have release a big one."

"There are 3 types of people in the world. Those who know math and those who don't."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I wrote 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?' on a balloon. However, before I could propose... -I popped the question"

"A man walks into a therapist's with just clingfilm around his waist therapist says, ""I can clearly see you're nuts""."