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Joke of the Day

"I want to start a show about businesses in my neighborhood called, ""HOW IS IT STILL OPEN??!"""

"What's the longest game in the world? Two women playing pool."

"BABY: WAAAAAAA- ME: Shhhh, it's okay. BABY: -AAAAAAAA- ME: shhhh.... BABY: -AAAAAALUIGI! ME: wtf BABY: (whispering) No one will believe you."

"It takes a woman to make a man a millionaire... ...but first, he must be a billionaire."

"What did Pat Benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her? Stop using Chex as a weapon!"

"What do you call the woman on the end of a line? Entities. (I AM SO SORRY, GAME PROGRAMMER JOKE)"

"What do you give a sick snake ? Asp-rin !"

"What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend? My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string"

"Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again. Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did 1 sit-up."

"Two nuns riding Down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, ""I've never come this way before."" The other nun replies, ""neither have i, it's probably the cobbles."""