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Joke of the Day

"Me: [uncontrollable sobbing] I can't see you anymore. I won't let you hurt me again. Trainer: It was a sit-up. You did 1 sit-up."

"What happened to the astronaut who was knocked out? He saw stars."

"Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once."

"On what day of every week do soft drinks sell the most? thursday"

"That's 49 -7 in dog goals."

"To the handicapped guy who stole my bag: You can hide but you can't run."

"A man buys condoms at a drugstore ... The cashier asks ""You need a bag with this?"" and the man answers ""No! She's not *that* ugly!""."

"What's 6.9? A good thing ruined by a period."

"Today a feminist asked me how I view lesbians. Apparently ""in HD"" wasn't the right answer."

"Hey, I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it the fcuk off?"