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Joke of the Day

"[Jedi Training] TRAINER: Any questions? STUDENT: Can the Force be with me? TRAINER: I don't know...CAN it? STUDENT: Oh right...May the Force"

"Why can't a bike stand on its own ? Because it's two tired."

"Instead of saying you lost your eyesight due to an explosion while you were making meth, just tell people that you were blinded by science."

"What's baked everyday and sells itself? bread"

"This guy in the elevator asked for my number so I wrote it on his arm. Apparently he meant which floor, so that was awkward."

"I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it"

"What's the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture."

"""Saying hot is disrespectful. You should say beautiful instead."" ""Fine. Can you pass me the beautiful sauce then?"""

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash, who survives? No one, the was a major gas leak, and someone lit a match, and the plane exploded, killing everyone inside."

"A man walks into a doctors office... Wearing nothing but plastic shrink wrap. The doctor says ""I can clearly see your nuts."""