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Joke of the Day

"Got pretty embarrassed at the party last night. Totally looked like I peed my pants 'cuz I spilled my glass of pee into my lap"

"My favorite poem Roses are red Violets are blue I hope I don't Impregnate you"

"I was trying to help my blonde neighbour park her trailered boat in her driveway. Go ahead, back up, I kept saying...it took over 2 hours."

"What do graphic designers smoke up to get high? Adobe."

"Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? [flashback to me trying to sword fight all the customers at Toys R Us] Me: discrimination"

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? (NSFW) Your dad's dick tastes like blood."

"*gets caught kissing an optical illusion* it's not what it looks like!"

"What's a 6.9? Another great thing ruined by a period"

"The last time I wore a red shirt, I went to Target and laid off 8 people in the morning team huddle."

"I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship."