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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face..... :D eh. Eh.?"

"What does Yao Ming stand for? When he sits down it takes too long to get back up."

"[nervously speeding up as I drive my date past a Taco Bell] SIRI: At frequent destination. Set this address as 'Home' address?"

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? ""Where's my tractor."""

"If I rule the world first thing I'll do is add a extra day into the weekend right after Saturday.. It will be called Matterday... It won't matter what you do that day"

"Black girls twerk, Hispanic girls hip roll, Indian girls belly dance & white girls watch."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's an obscure number and you've probably never heard of it."

"The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it."

"The ostrich may have the right idea but I hate sand in my hair."

"I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits."