60508

Joke of the Day

"My friend's bakery burned down last night. I think his business is toast."

"I was recently in court with a necrophiliac as a judge... Everyone got the death sentence."

"I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !"

"Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word Me: Hired Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??"

"Date me? You can't afford the maintenance to keep me. Vodka, high heels, steak, shiny clothes, tonic, Victoria's Secret, and bail money."

"Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because there isn't a fucking wall in the way"

"Why was the calendar nervous? It's days were numbered!"

"Question and Answer Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake? A: It did $100 million worth of improvements"

"Who is the wealthiest shellfish in the sea? [x-post from r/underwaterjokes] It's Prawnold Trump!"

"Whenever you floss, you should be allowed to go to your dentist's house and collect an allowance."