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Joke of the Day

"What did Santa Claus say to his wife after he watched the weather report? It's going to rain dear. ^Yeah ^I'm ^sorry ^its ^late ^guys."

"Have you ever smelled molasses? How did you catch the little buggers?"

"It's very easy to clean yourself to the tune of ""Uptown Funk"". Don't believe me? Just wash."

"Last-second gift idea. Bring a tag and put it on any present already under the tree. Call other person a liar. Be willing to fight him/her."

"Confucius he say Man who wank into till Come into money. Source: My mate Dave at uni circa 1998."

"Does anybody know the name of that Godzilla Movie? It's the one where another monster actually breaks one of Godzilla's legs. I can't remember the name of the movie, but it has a huge cast."

"I look ugly without glasses.. Even though I've never worn glasses in my life."

"Two bananas are sitting on a river bank.. A turd comes floating by. The turd says "" come on in guys, the waters great!"" The one banana looks at the other banana and says ""you believe that shit!"""

"If it's any consolation, Jim Morrison, Biggie Smalls, and Jesus would all have died from natural causes by now."

"How will we truly reach gender equality? By leaving the toilet seat at a 45 degree angle for the next person to decide without bias."