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Joke of the Day

"What did Santa Claus say to his wife after he watched the weather report? It's going to rain dear. ^Yeah ^I'm ^sorry ^its ^late ^guys."

"My Memory Lane is now mostly traffic cones."

"It's really weird to think about the fact that I've slept with literally everyone in my high school.. It's a lot less weird when you realize it's one in the morning and my high school is vacant."

"my cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it's giving me serious ideas, folks"

"The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go."

"Why do rabbits go to the beauty parlor? For hare care."

"If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships."

"I've always identified with Professor Calamitous from Jimmy Neutron... But I never bothered to figure out why."

"I'm just sick of the mixed signals, babe. One second you're changing your phone number and the next you're filing a restraining order."

"I've got butterflies in my stomach... That's the last time I eat a cocoon."