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Joke of the Day

"If it's any consolation, Jim Morrison, Biggie Smalls, and Jesus would all have died from natural causes by now."

"Why are men better cooks? They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months"

"""I'm sorry Mickey, I can't file divorce just because you think Minnie's silly."" ""Your honor, I don't think you understand. She's *fucking* Goofy!"""

"Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face."

"LIFE HACK: Tired of the neighbors' noisy kids playing in front of your house? Sign up for the sex offender registry"

"How do you make a dog go meow? Freeze it and run it through a bandsaw. MEEEOWW!!"

"DUMBLEDORE: Who's brought evil into Hogwarts? HARRY: I think it's Malfoy, professor! DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on"

"There's nothing horribler than a word that isn't real."

"I'm thinking about having an open casket funeral... Remains to be seen. :D"

"As a kid, I had a real obsession with Posh Spice It cost my parents a fortune in saffron..."