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Joke of the Day

"My therapist thinks I have a drug problem. My dealer says she's overreacting."

"""Hey. Here's some free oxygen. No prob! All I ask is that you don't let your dogs piss on m- Oh there he goes. He's pissing on me."" -trees"

"I can't believe AntMan and Spider-Man are in civil war. That really bugs me."

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? ""You're under a vest!"""

"Why was Cleopatra so negative? Because she was queen of denial."

"I'm sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn't really prepared for any follow-up conversation."

"Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you."

"Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He got hit by a bus!"

"If you were stranded on an island and could bring three items what would you bring? Michael Phelps, a saddle, and stick with a gold medal on the end."

"""Rolls Royce"" is my favorite car that sounds like an Australian describing a sushi chef"