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Joke of the Day

"HEADLINE: Recent Studies Show Old White Dudes Possibly Becoming Obsolete. ""This is bad for everybody,"" say Old White Dudes."

"""Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?"" - every Sears commercial"

"This is the first Super Bowl party I've been to where there are babies. Not sure what to do. Do I, like, offer them a beer or something?"

"What has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree it'd kill you? A pool table"

"What are the ten greatest years of a woman's life? The ones between 39 and 40."

"This one time in 1993, Brett Favre sent an alpha-numeric representation of his penis to my beeper."

"[Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast."

"Hangovers only happen to people who stop drinking."

"A pedophile was taking a small child into the woods at night.... The kid say, ""These woods are really scary"". The pedophile replies with, ""You're telling me, iv'e got to walk out of here alone""."

"Sometimes I wonder if my wife ever heard me call her a dumb bitch. I think about it every day since she died from cancer. I never got to say it to her face."