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Joke of the Day

"[millipede preschool] head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes..."

"Just convinced the teen up the street that he needs to change the winter air out of his tires and put in summer air. Don't do dope, kids."

"Close your eyes. Picture a world without hunger. Open your eyes. I ate your sandwich."

"You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up"

"What do you call a minion that falls on a grill? Filet mignon"

"What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt? After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture."

"I can point out chicks who say ""vokka"" and ""liberry"" instead of ""vodka"" and ""library"" based on the use of emoticons in their screen name."

"The older I get, the more I think I owe my parents an apology..."

"So I was drinking this vampire's blood the other day It was irony."

"What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Felippe Feloppe ... wah wah"