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Joke of the Day

"[millipede preschool] head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes..."

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"So I got the new Note 7 and I don't see what the fuss is about exploding? Everything is going fi"
"Why doesn't Mexico live up to it's full potential in the Olympics? Because all the Mexicans that can run, jump, and swim are in America."
"You say ""tomato"", I say ""flamingo"". I also put goldfish in my armpits. My opinion should be ignored."
"I call my glasses... I call my glasses congress because they are old and crooked."
"A vegan, an atheist, and a CrossFit enthusiast walk into a bar. I only know because they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it."
"People Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are full of hot air...I need to find a way to use it as renewable energy"
"Why wouldn't the two tampons speak to each other? Because they were both stuck-up cunts."
"What's the fastest thing on land? Stevie Wonder's speedboat."
"Met a girl with 12 nipples today Sounds pretty odd, dozen tits?"