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Joke of the Day

"In response to the Country Singer lightbulb joke, how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 13. 1 to do it, and 12 to say they could do it better."

"Just because it's Friday the 13th, people seem to think that horrible things are going to happen, like another shitty horror movie being released."

"So, today I woke up and asked my UK counterpart... ""Did you have eggs and bacon with your Brexit this morning?"""

"""For sale: Brown skinned Cabbage Patch doll..."" It's only Harv Price"

"Mulder: it's some sort of over-fed grim reaper judgment figure. Scully: we're at the mall, Mulder. That's just Santa."

"Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay? He had served his sentence."

"Miley Cyrus was recently found dead at a construction site. Her autopsy revealed her death came in like a wrecking ball."

"Scientists are cloning John Lennon.. What if it all goes wrong and they clone millions of John Lennons? Imagine all the people.."

"""How's your love life?"" Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. ""I'm sorry man"" it's ok. still got laid."

"Why is there such a big contrast between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt? Because they're different cultures."