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Joke of the Day

"Mulder: it's some sort of over-fed grim reaper judgment figure. Scully: we're at the mall, Mulder. That's just Santa."

"Fun game: Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours."

"Parents w/ 1st kid: *Peels grape & slices it into 84 tiny pieces. Parents w/ 4th kid: *Gives kid knife & fork to cut their own steak."

"On the Titanic 0 people died from alcohol poisoning and 1,500 people died from drinking too much water. You decide which is more dangerous."

"What is up with 1, 3, 5, 7, 9? ...I can't even..."

"Hyperbole makes me want to kill myself."

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face."

"Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, ""what kinda robot does that one turn into?"""

"I Got Banned From /r/twoxchromosomes I guess I am too male to understand (Y)."

"""Check, please!"" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table"