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Joke of the Day

"I wake my daughter up by tossing pebbles at her window so the first time a suitor tries she'll have the same response we do to alarm clocks"

"DRIVING ON HIGHWAY Wife: You just missed a right. Me: Thanks babe you just MRS right."

"Why do I have to steal the Death Star plans? Nothing this big stays secret. Just Google them. There's probably a torrent somewhere."

"Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos."

"Watching Animal Hoarders. It's like Snow White only the animals aren't really helping with the cleaning."

"What do you do when you see a black man lying on the floor? You stop laughing and shoot him again."

"if you go to a nascar rally carrying a clipboard and wearing a hard hat people will just let you go on the track and kiss all the good cars"

"Her: I'm just a vintage soul Me: and a vintage face.. That's how the fight started"

"What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM A blonde going through a flashing red light. No offense to blondes lol"

"A horse walks into a bar. ""Too late,"" says the bartender, ""we're joking about the pope now."""