29028

Joke of the Day

"if you go to a nascar rally carrying a clipboard and wearing a hard hat people will just let you go on the track and kiss all the good cars"

"""Please stand for the Paralympic anthem."""

"What works better than anti-depressants? A 12 Gauge in the mouth This came to me whilst being all depressed."

"Are you a Farmer? Cause you know how to raise a cock!"

"So I went into the kitchen... ...because I could hear "" 1, 2, 3, 4, ..."" coming from the cutlery drawer. Apparently it's the fork that counts."

"You hear about the NBA player who married a midget? He was nuts over her."

"(Stalker Diary) Day 4: Still under her bed. She continues to put the toilet paper roll on upside down. It's like I'm living with a monster."

"How do you know the economy is only getting worse? On the latest episode of ""Celebrity Apprentice"", Donald Trump fired himself!"

"I just bought a 3D kindle. Or a book as it is more commonly known."

"[interview] ""What's your strongest trait?"" My fingers. ""No, like... Are you pinching me??"" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB"