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Joke of the Day

"Not sure video Instagram is a good idea. I've never looked at a picture of someone's dinner and thought, ""If only I could hear this."""

"If you're ever attacked by a mob of angry Vegans... ...don't worry about it. They're too weak to hurt you."

"What does a doctor prescribe a hardcore porn actress, when her vagina is too swollen to work? Antifistamines."

"Did you hear about the new anti-depressant for lesbians? It's called tricoxagain."

"I don't' carelessly utter profanities like a commoner. I take my time and articulate them properly; after all I'm a fcuking gentleman."

"How do you make an Amish woman happy? Three Men-A-Night"

"Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place."

"If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites."

"I tried inventing a belt with a clock on it... It was a waist of time"

"A man walks into a bar and yells, ""All Lawyers are assholes!"" Someone at the bar stands up and says, ""I take offense to that."" ""Why? Are you a lawyer?"" ""No. I'm an asshole."""