137336

Joke of the Day

"A man walks into a bar and yells, ""All Lawyers are assholes!"" Someone at the bar stands up and says, ""I take offense to that."" ""Why? Are you a lawyer?"" ""No. I'm an asshole."""

"The Huffington Post just did a fascinating piece on the 9 Greatest Single-Digit Numbers of All Time."

"You know that confused look old people get when looking at new technology? I'm like that, but with salad."

"If your nose runs and your feet smell... You might be upside down. Heard from ""The Sopranos"""

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"

"There is no panic like the panic you feel when you think you may have clogged the toilet at someone else's house."

"My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish... She would dress like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"What do you call a surfer who loves Muhammad? A radicalized Muslim braaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

"What is the best place to hide a dead body? On the second page of google."

"Let's play hide and sex. I mean seek. Damn it. Seek. Unless you're okay with hide and sex. I'll meet you in the hall closet in one minute."