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Joke of the Day

"Why can't gay students ever have a 4.0 GPA? Because they're not straight A students."

"I don't delete annoying people out of my phone. I give them new names so I know not to answer. ""Always needs a favor"" is calling, decline."

"Your Parents divorced because your Dad didn't want to put your talentless paintings on the fridge."

"GF just thought of the best name for a drink. The Vadge Liqueur. (Should I be concerned? This was totally random)"

"What's the worst part about being a black Jew? You gotta sit in the back of the oven..."

"I walked past an electronics store once... I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, ""TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1"" I thought to myself, ""Wow. I can't turn that down."""

"Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* ""we're out of cereal."""

"What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine? This will sleigh you."

"Germ 1-OMG he dropped his pizza! Germ 2-PIIZZZAAAA!!! Let's get it! Germ Capt.-Stand back! He still has one more second to pick it up."

"5/6 people agree... ...that Russian Roulette is a great way to gamble."