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Joke of the Day

"Got kicked out of the grocery store. Apparently yelling ""LET THE BEETS DROP!"" And throwing them at the ground is not acceptable."

"If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, ""WITCH!"""

"Went for ""a walk"" today, like some kind of prehistoric moron."

"I passed out on the steps of a synagogue... And woke up in the morning with a heavy Jew on me."

"I tried to catch some fog... I mist."

"Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg? Because he always uses a razor."

"What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish!!!"

"So there were these two extremely saggy breasts.... one looked to the other and said ""If we don't get some support soon, they're gonna think we're both nuts!"""

"What happens when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction."

"When I momentarily lack the ability to articulate my thoughts and use a preposition instead. That."