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Joke of the Day

"Money doesn't buy happiness? Well it buys a jet ski. Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski? It's impossible to be sad on a jet ski."

"A ship carrying red paint collided with another that was carrying purple paint Both crews were marooned"

"Sometimes I'll order things online & pay for handling but not shipping. I don't want the product; I just want them to move it around a bit."

"I think my brother is addicted to huffing paint. It's written all over his face."

"I invented a new sex position called ""The Donald"" You grab her by the pussy and fling her over a wall."

"Why girls want to be mermaids 1. No pants 2. No periods 3. Perfect hair 4. You get to lure men to their deaths 5. Free clam bra"

"What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Rubberto"

"Listen. You can keep retaking all the pictures you want, but that's what your face looks like."

"MUST HAVE BEFORE WATCHING THE CONJURING : - Bible - iBible iPhone app - Holy Water - Priest - Jesus - 5 Jesus necklaces - Holy Spirt"

"Turns out ""pick the biggest one & punch him in the face"" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher."