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Joke of the Day

"Making a business call while sexting is surprisingly difficult. Mmm yes, baby, suck my purchase order."

"My son has stolen my iPad to play minecraft. Please retweet this so the notifications disrupt his playing."

"How do you know when there's a lead singer on your porch? They can't find the right key and don't know when to come in."

"*Slides down your chimney* *Straightens all your pictures*"

"Why did Wile E. Coyote have a ""Detour"" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff? To throw the Roadrunner off."

"Why do Irishmen grow mustaches? So they look like their mothers"

"My father could have the original copy of the Declaration of Independence on the counter, and still make a meatball sandwich over top of it."

"We all have our weaknesses. Yours are just more obvious."

"Life is like a bowl of soup. You only get blown if you're hot."

"Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long? Because as soon as they start they get fired."