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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an orange elephant? Call it whatever. It is not like it is gonna have a problem with that."

"Guys, be sensitive. Fat people have feelings too. Usually hunger, shortness of breath, insecurity and itchiness in unreachable places."

"What did the humanistic psychologist say at Freud's funeral? He died at such a Jung age."

"*open up knapsack and a parachute comes out* Kid: But that means- *Dad is hurtling towards the ground with a sandwich and apple*"

"What kind of tea isn't fake? A property"

"My wife and I do this cute thing where she sends me pics of kitchen towels she can't decide on buying and I google my life expectancy."

"""What happened to the Arm & Hammer Deodorant car? He was just on the track a minute ago."" ""Oh, him? He had to make a pit stop."""

"I like my wine like I like my women Stored in a dark basement till they're 5 years old"

"What's the best thing to do when someone close to you dies? Move seats."

"Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude... It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are. Edit: Adam Carolla apparently wrote this. Who knew?"