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Joke of the Day

"I spilt glue on my autobiography & then accidentally sat on it. Anyway, that's my story & I'm sticking to it."

"I want to order rabbit at a fancy restaurant and then complain there is a hare in my food."

"When I found out my wife was having an affair, I was heartbroken. I turned to religion to cope. Now I'm Muslim and we're stoning her tomorrow."

"What do you call a slutty camera? A loose Canon."

"I must admit, my ""Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus"" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car."

"1-year-old: *shrieks repeatedly* Me: Why is she so loud? Wife: That's how she talks. Apparently she speaks fluent pterodactyl."

"When I went scuba diving the guy gave me the wrong breathing gases, what an oxy moron."

"I was told today that my muslim optician had passed away....Asif Eyecare."

"I like when you see a guy with a beard and you can immediately tell he's fashioned his entire thing/vibe/life around having that beard."

"Bar So, a man walks into a bar and says ouch."