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Joke of the Day

"A psychic goes to buy clothes Employee: how about this one? Psychic: That top is too small Employee: You didn't even try it on Psychic: I'm a medium"

"Leviticus 20:13 legalises gay marriage and marijuana: ""If a man lays with another man he should be stoned""."

"What did terrorists used to call Fidel Castro? Infidel Castro"

"I'd like to thank my hands... I'd like to thank my hands for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me through thick and thin, and my fingers... Because I can always count on them."

"I hate people with erectile dysfunction no hard feelings"

"How many times does 43 go into 9? The priest won't tell you, but *he knows*."

"ATM A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM"""

"Did you hear about the shortsighted circumciser? He got the sack."

"Relationships are like onions They seem harmless on the outside but once you get into it you'll cry."

"jokes about depression used to be funny.... now they're just sad."