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Joke of the Day

"Relationships are like onions They seem harmless on the outside but once you get into it you'll cry."

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"[Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science."
"Yo momma so short and poor... ...that she gotta reach up to touch rock bottom."
"A human cannonball for the circus retired after 35 years of service. When asked if the man would be replaced, the owner of the circus said, ""No, only because it's hard to find a man of that caliber."""
"Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby."
"Which celebrity is great at creating probate documents? Will Smith"
"I bought a fan today... It blows, man."
"Is it still a walk of shame if I'm leaving my own house? It ain't like I'm proud of what happened in there."
"Where does marine wildlife get treated? The Squid-ward."
"Dear diary, Sometimes it just seems like I can't tell if something is an inanimate object or a person My therapist: Yes that's quite clear"
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