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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between between a piano, tuna, and glue? You can tuna piano, but you cant piano tuna!"

"They tried to make me go to rehab, and I said ""My HMO doesn't cover residential treatment."""

"Do you know what the difference is between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stones song? The Rolling Stones song says ""Hey you, get off of my cloud"". A Scotsman says ""Hey McCloud, get off of my Ewe""."

"Im not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB"

"Whoever speaks at my funeral will probably just look over at my casket and say ""well, she was always kind of like this."""

"What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster? Shellfish."

"My wife got mad at me for starting another British TV series... I said, ""don't worry, it'll be over soon."""

"I bought a book on how to build stairs Its a step by step guide"

"""Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."""

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture."