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Joke of the Day

"Why can't the band Def Leppard make music anymore? They all lost their hearing"

"Go see American Sniper. Or go to your buddy's house and watch him play Call of Duty for two hours"

"I'm scared. I have this weird stabby pain in my chest and it really hurts and..Dorito. It was a Dorito in my bra."

"Mom, dad... I'm gay. I didn't know either, someone on the internet told me"

"It's not the size of the ship nor the motion in the ocean...it's whether the Captain can stay in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.."

"Me- ""Sorry I can't"" Friend- ""Why not?"" M- ""Working on my book"" F- ""Neato! What about?"" M- ""It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"""

"Donald Trump has ridiculous hair, and he squints a lot. If I had his hair, I'd squint too."

"Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, ""Yes, honey I do."""

"i was going to tell a unemployment joke....... but its not going to work"

"Hi I'm German... Did you really expect me to make a joke?"