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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming. EDIT: Also, I don't want my time to go to waist. Courtesy of /u/Carter127"

"So it's legal to sleep on a pillow but illegal to hold it over someone's face until they die? Ugh, government"

"Just picked up some cologne from the .99 cent store because chicks dig it when I smell like back child support and restraining orders"

"What's also red and know if you're naughty or nice? My penis during my girlfriend's period"

"Why does my computer keep saying hello? It's a Dell."

"I was eating BBQ ribs and my waitress asked me if I wanted a wet nap... ...I told her it wasn't necessary because I had one earlier today."

"Being in a nudist colony probably takes all the fun out of Halloween."

"Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? He was a fungi. Why did he end up leaving the party? There wasn't mushroom."

"A black man and an apple fall from a tree at the same time. What hits the ground first? The apple because the black man was stopped by a noose."

"The biggest lie in advertising is someone taking a bite of a hard shell taco & it not immediately exploding in their hands."