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Joke of the Day

"I didn't get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life."

"I was thinking about Billy Mays the other day... I decided he's in heaven partying like it's nineteen ninety-nine ^(plus shipping and handling.)"

"Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]"

"I'm rabidly against plagiarism, but I guess if you're going to steal something, a Columbus joke at least makes sense"

"What do you call a cat that urinates in your shoes? Piss in boots Credit: My flatmate"

"This actually happened My brother has a lockbox and lost the key, so he said to me ""Zaent, can you pick a lock?"", I replied ""Give me two and I'll pick one."""

"Two men walk into a bar, which is strange since you'd think the second one would have seen it when the first one hit it."

"Would an unfulfilled beer ad bikini model... be known as a sadder Budweiser girl?"

"If I had a time machine and could travel to any time imaginable, I know in my heart I'd probably just set that thing to lunchtime."

"Ted Cruz announced he is running for president as a Republican. That surprised me; I thought he was running as a joke."