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Joke of the Day

"I just came home with 25 pairs of carpenter jeans. . . My wife thinks I'm building a new wardrobe. BTW original, thought I'd share."

"At which place do mostly all men and women have curly hair? Namibia... but i like the way you think ( )"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Actually, I should probably stop masturbating at this point."

"I was really hesitant about this new haircut at first.... ...but I'm starting to like it you know. It's really growing on me. Sorry I'll leave now."

"Why does George Zimmerman keep popping up every 6 months or so? Is he the McRib?"

"H: I don't understand what goes on in your head. Me: If you prefer, I can quit twitter and just tell you all of this. H: No, we're good."

"I meant to take Tylenol PM, but I accidentally took Tylenol PMS I just think it's funny how you guys only care about me when you want upvotes. Whatever. I'm fine."

"Every time I see an obese family at a buffet, I throw a sack of marbles onto the table and have a live showing of Hungry Hungry Hippos."

"I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene... Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity."

"Even better than breakfast cereal: Lunch cereal and dinner cereal."