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Joke of the Day
"Why did the sperm cross the road? Actually, I should probably stop masturbating at this point."
Next Joke
"The reason Santa is so Jolly? Is it because he knows where all the BAD girls live?"
"I'm so hungry I could eat this piece of paper. *adds salt to resume*"
"What's the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn't last forever."
"""THEN HE GOES BACK IN TIME AND THE DOGGIE IS SAD AND ICE CREAM."" --My 3 year-old, telling a more coherent story than LOST."
"Sarah Palin admitted she used to get health care in Canada & Glenn Beck admitted he used to get his human baby sacrifices from Canada."
"My balls are so big that my sac only holds one. The second one? You're standing on it."
"What's the difference between a knife and a feminist? A knife has a point."
"6/6/14 Dear Diary - Today was really great. Got a job as an intern with the CIA and sent a cool tweet. 6/7/14 Dear Diary - Guantanamo sucks."
"can't even imagine how many delicious recipes get exchanged during the football huddle"