177374

Joke of the Day

"I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04."

"Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you. Me: WHY? YOU THINK I'M 8 OR SOMETHING? Her: No, sorry... Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen."

"How do you say genius sarcastically? Apple genius."

"What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common? Hogwarts"

"I went to this new doctor, but he was terrible... All he did was suck blood from my neck. Do not go see Dr. Acula. [](/lunalaugh)Credit goes to Mr. Hedberg for this one."

"Before you say you ""value my opinion,"" just know if a genie granted me 3 wishes, one of them would be to star in Sister Act 3."

"I used to be a comedian back in Newfoundland But I got sick of having to explain the jokes."

"NYC parks department on naked Trump statue: ""NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small."""

"I'm giving ""Up"" DVDs for Lent"

"Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh."