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Joke of the Day

"You hear about the three guys who died in a flight simulator when a plane crashed in to the building? Apparently jet fuel can't melt irony."

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"Can't wait for it to get dark earlier so I can pick my nose in traffic."
"Which gun does Superman use? SCAR-L"
"Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure"
"I'm not saying I'm an idiot... But if some village comes looking...tell them you never saw me."
"Life is like a pipette filler It sucks."
"My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist. I told him to stop being so clothes minded"
"When Wall-E first came out I was like ""'what a profound statement"" and now, a few years older, I'm like ""gimme one of those sick chairs."""
"They should make a weed strain called ""WMD"" Except it turns out it doesnt exist"
"Jeopardy] Alex: This floats your boat. Me [buzzing in]: What is buoyancy? Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever."