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Joke of the Day

"My cat is rubbing herself all over me because she wants me to stroke her. It's like she's a drunk version of me."

"[first date] ""I learned to crochet in prison... Now you say something."""

"What do you call the remnants of blown up cheese DeBrie!!"

"Have you guys heard what kind of oil Fort McMurray is into these days? Turmoil"

"Remember ladies, the knight with the shiniest armour has done the least amount of brave or cool shit."

"What should you do with a burning Kotex? Throw it on the ground and tamp on it."

"What did the botanist say to the plant he was tired of tending to? Grow away."

"Is your fridge running? Why didn't you send it to Rio? All the best to our contestants!"

"What did they say when Jett passed out drunk at a party? Jett crashed."

"Is Google male or female? Female - it doesn't let you finish a sentence before correcting you and making a suggestion."