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Joke of the Day

"My gay friend rolled a joint for me. Fruit roll-up."

"Hey Hollywood, time to start using a new fake phone number. This 555 bullshit takes me out of the moment every time."

"Relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, arguments become phone calls, and feelings become status updates"

"How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her"

"So I got into a fight with a midget the other day... He was stood next to my girlfriend and said her hair smells nice."

"What do you call a tire named after Ferris Bueller? A Ferris Wheel."

"Who likes a good baseball joke? How can you tell if a catcher has the shits? The pitcher got some on his balls. ;p"

"Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments..."

"Well, if you're going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van."

"A roman centurion walks into a bar... He holds up two fingers and says: ""Five beers, please."""